if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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