I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
