is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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