At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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