I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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