Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
