I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's rum buckets o'clock
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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