I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
