I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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