OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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