I think my vagina is haunted
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
