Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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