I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
