That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
