you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
handjob tips. give me some.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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