I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
