i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
