not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
