Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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