I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
