he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I touched a dick in church today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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