just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
