It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
