I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
