I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
