So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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