i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
