i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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