you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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