So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I will be naked everywhere
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
