he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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