Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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