Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
