I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
