Me. At least after what I've been through.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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