i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
