there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
