I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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