Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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