You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Your cock deserves a montage
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
