It's Friday. Sex?
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
