My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
