I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
