i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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