i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
