Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
