What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
