I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
