I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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