Define "chronic" masturbator.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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